Tuesday, February 2, 2016

No matter how hard I try to make myself busy, no matter how many people I meet and talk to, no matter how many hours of sleep I get, no matter where I go and what I do... I just can't seem to escape falling into this void you left.

I wish I could get myself out of here.

I wish I could just be okay.

I just want to be okay again...

Saturday, January 30, 2016

And I Am Back... Again.

Last year, I was able to bring myself to put up one entry for this dying blog. At least there's one entry. And ever since, I've been contemplating on whether I should keep it up or not. Mostly, I would just want to write just for the sake of venting whatever it is that I'm feeling/going through my head because honestly, there's really no one out there who I could vent to, maybe there is, but I'm saving myself the judgement and shame, and I don't want to bother people with the negativity that's going on in my life. And evidently, I failed to do myself that favor. As a result, I spent the past few months or years, just bottling things up. A tweet/Instagram post or two helps out sometimes, but ranting about it without having to think of the character limit is just therapeutic. And if I keep doing it on those platforms, I might end up becoming this annoying person who throws himself this "pity party" that nobody cares about. No one would like that - I wouldn't like that.

I used to set some goals and these so-called "resolutions" every year for myself, but this year, I'd just like to go with the flow and save myself the disappointments. But one thing I hope I'll be able to do is to keep this blog up on a regular basis. I'm going to rummage through my brain and write down the things that have been weighing me down lately or whatever it is that I'd like to document for the entertainment of the older version of myself.

That's it for now!



Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I'm Alive

After over two years of hiatus, I have finally decided to start blogging again. Why? I'm not really sure.

But yeah, hello there.

Going through my posts years ago made me cringe and made me realize how things have changed. How I was so naive and innocent. I really was extremely naive and back then I thought otherwise. But I was... I still probably am.

So let me give you a quick run-through on what has changed for the past few years...

I think the biggest change is that I'm currently living and working in Singapore (after quite a few failed attempts). My stay here has opened up my eyes to so many things. It has been a roller-coaster ride so far. Trying to make it here was tough, and for at least half a year, I found myself wandering around, isolating myself from everyone, staying up late until the sun comes up just wallowing in the sea of self-doubt, feeling bad about myself and questioning if what my purpose in life is... And it's sad that even to this point, there are still times I feel this way...

Yeah, I think something's wrong with me. But I don't know exactly what.

Okay, okay. This is a comeback entry, so why so glum freaking John?! But yeah, that pretty much is the biggest change in me (of course some I can't disclose here, hahahahaha I kid, I kid).

And that my dear friends is my first post in years... Stay tuned for the next episode of "John".

P.S. Decided to clear my blog (revert all posts as draft) because they're just, you know, bad. Haha